Making the decision to transition your child out of the crib and into a “big kid bed” is never easy. This decision is not only practical, but also it’s emotional. This is one of the many moments that make parents think, “My baby isn’t a baby anymore!” But, how do you know your child is actually ready for this big change?

The short answer is: Most children are ready around age 3. For a more nuanced answer, consider these three things:

1. Your child’s development

• Climbing: Is your child climbing out of their crib? If so, you might need to make some crib adjustments or consider transitioning to a big kid bed earlier because it is unsafe for your child to be able to climb out of their crib.
• Self control: Does your child have the self-control to remain in their bed if you transition them?
• Potty training/learning: If your child has learned to use the potty during the daytime, they may be ready to say goodbye to their nighttime diaper or pullup. If this is the case then they would need to be able to get out of bed to begin getting to the bathroom at night.

2. Your approach to parenting

If you want to make sure your child will understand your rules and the limits around being in a big kid bed, and be able to control their impulse to come find you, then you probably should wait until they are 3 or even a bit older to transition. If you are ok with your child potentially not understanding (willfully or not) and likely coming out of their bed and into yours, then you can start the transition between ages 2 and 3. You know your child best! (And yes, some children 3 years old and older will still get out of bed!)

Some sleep specialists recommend putting a child proof door knob cover over the child’s bedroom door knob in their room. While this may work for some, I don’t recommend it universally as it is important for children to feel secure and that means knowing that they can find you if they need to. 

There are a couple of parenting strategies you can try if and when your child continuously comes out:

• Set up shop, comfortably with your phone or a book, on a chair outside their room and just keep bringing them back to their bed. As you bring them back you can say something like: “It's time for you to go to bed. I am here doing some grownup work in the living room. Have a good sleep. Love you. Good night.” Keep the tone of your message reassuring and soft, and the message itself consistent, bordering on boring, no flourishes. 
• When you tuck them in and say goodnight, tell them you’ll come back to check in, and then do come back. Don’t make them wait long either. Let them be surprised by how readily you come back. Some may call it reverse psychology; I call it the power of connection. It sounds like this. “Goodnight. Sleep tight. Would you like a check in in a few minutes?” If they say yes, do come back in two or three minutes, and later on it can be five minutes, once they know that it's reliable. But only ever do one check in per night. If the strategy doesn't work, let it go for a week or two and try it again later. Sometimes they are so happy that it has come back that they respect it and stick to allowing for one check in. The check in is a “quick kiss and good night.” Do not sit on their bed or start rubbing their back, you are just checking in and giving a quick kiss.

3. Transitions, home life, and environment

If you are about to have a new baby or move homes and you want to roll up your sleeves and get this “big kid bed thing” done and over with it doesn’t necessarily mean it's the right time. In other words, your events calendar and your child’s developmental timeline may not align so you may need to wait until after the major life event to make the transition to a big kid bed. 

Research says that waiting until 3 is usually best as it aligns with better quality sleep for your toddler and assumes that they don’t yet have the self-control necessary to stay in bed when asked to do so.

If you are worried about your child climbing out you can drop the mattress lower and/or get a toddler sleep sack and keep an eye on things with a monitor. You are not damaging their sense of independence by keeping them in the crib they are familiar with, you can provide autonomy in other areas for a short time while you move through whatever major life transition is occurring. Consider putting a couple yoga mats or blankets down on the floor in case they try to climb and end up falling and make sure their room is child proofed in case they make it out. 

Remember, putting your child to bed, saying goodnight, and walking out of the room is a form of separation, not so different from leaving them at daycare or nursery school. When we leave our children at daycare or nursery school, they often have a primary care provider or new favorite teacher that they can attach to and feel safe. And while you know that you aren’t leaving your home when you say goodnight, your child simply can’t see you, and may still be working out whether or not you go away, how far, etc. So, naturally they want to come find you to feel secure. Treat bedtimes with as much care and thoughtfulness as you and your child’s preschool treat goodbyes, which hopefully is thoughtful, consistent, and based on child development.

If you haven’t made the transition yet, and you are considering it, but aren’t sure your child is ready, they probably aren’t. Pediatricians usually encourage the transition sooner than children are ready, based on the parents’ wishes. They will tell you “anywhere from 18 months to 3 years old is normal” when developmental specialists will err more on the side of 3 to 3 and a half. Listen to your own intuition. If you don’t think your child will be able to emotionally handle the transition yet, wait a bit longer.

You got this!